نشر في: 17 October 2014
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It is not easy!

Amman – Al-Israa News – Lina Drubi – Exclusive - I spent a while thinking about my life and the lives of the people I know in it and their stories, specially thinking of this phrase I keep hearing lately from so many sources that says “ it is easy”!! I don’t know if it’s only me or everybody else are hearing the same sentence but they never gave it a thought, how did you get yourself a seat in college? Oh it’s not difficult I just registered! How did you get a high grade in the exam? Actually I didn’t even open my book! And although it was difficult but I easily got that grade! How did you buy a brand new car aren’t you struggling with money? Yes but I went to the cars gallery and they gave me facilitations and all I had to do is finish some paper work and that was it! How did you manage to prosper your business so fast? I didn’t it went good by itself!
to be honest  these words and answers made me feel happy at first but now as I grow older and older it started bothering me or to say the least make me worry because simply life is not that easy to me!!
And I started asking myself questions like is it in me? Am I doing something wrong or missing a point? I wondered a lot but never got an answer, so I stopped listening to other peoples super easy straight forward paths of life, and I have decided to accept that for me it is not easy, may be this is my fate may be I lack something everybody else is engineered with and simply I don’t have it, call it luck call it advantage whatever it is I just don’t have it.. I started imagining that me and these other people we are not living in the same world even though I can see them and hear them and interact with them and they can do the same with me still we definitely are not living in the same world! I started thinking maybe we live in 2 parallel worlds that yet somehow communicate with each other... I know it sounds silly and stupid but I couldn’t help it but think this way I just don’t feel that in my world anything comes easy! Quite the opposite in my world if I want something I have to work my best for it I have to really earn it like even inventing it maybe! If I do something I never do it perfect from the first time I have to try and try and try until it gets right. In my world everything takes it’s time to get done! Nothing comes super-fast and I can’t jump phases I have to walk it one by one, face every obstacle and overcome it so if I achieve something that feels pretty huge in my world probably it won’t be that big deal in that other world for people in my age because they would have already had it years ago which could be really frustrating because for a reason I don’t know an achievement isn’t an achievement until your peers recognize it this way!! Another thing in my world that is different too is that I get a lot of shut doors! Yes doors do not smash open in front of me that I taught myself to expect that a lot, on the other hand in that world doors are all and always open!!
 Don’t get me wrong it’s not that I’m whining and complaining about my world, I really love it what I’m really complaining about is those people world, that super easy life where nothing has a real meaning nothing worth much because everything is a step ahead, I hate that world because it makes the details of my life journey feels insignificant and my success is too late and nothing worth celebrating for because it’s already usual to them! So I get depressed and I think why to bother then to work this hard for something that everybody else easily already had? And then one day I realized why, because it will mean the world to ME! Because it will mean that it wasn’t easy for me and yet I did it!  So I learned to never measure myself to others and I learned to enjoy the obstacles my world gave me and I promised myself that when I make it, when I reach my goals and fulfill my dreams I will celebrate them big time no matter how old I am no matter how insignificant it is to others I will be super happy because I did it despite that it was NOT easy to me! 

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